Wife Seeks Hunting Companions For Reckless Husband

OK, Here's the story. Last hunting season I went on an ordinary quail hunt with Kimo the wonder dog . It was a late afternoon hunt so I left the house at 3:00pm . I noticed heavy traffic on the So. bound 5 by Pyramid Lake on my way to the hunting spot. I made a mental note of it. So Kimo and I have great time. When I left my house my wife told me not to go to any "Dangerous Places" because "you will fall down break your leg and die - then I'll be mad - cuz I'll have to take care of your dog". Compassion is one of Joann's spiritual gifts. With that said I was pretty cautious. Hey - it's hunting not walking in the super market there's always a little risk when walking over rocks and sticks with a firearm in your hands.
Kimo and had a great time. We hunted for an hour and a half but it was coming dusk (still good light) so we went home. Remember the mental note I made about the traffic, well I ignored it and 5 minutes after I got on the freeway I was stuck in traffic. I listened to the radio and heard "Expect 3 to 5 hour delays. Crap ! Oh well, I will just call my loving wife. OOOPS - no cell phone . No problem - Joann knows how cautious I am - OOOOOPS - She doesn't think I'm that cautious.
So I get home - uh- Joann doesn't seem that happy . And before even talking to me rushes to the phone and starts calling. I hear " Thank you very much sheriff- he's home now - I'm so glad I caught you in time " OK - who was that ? She still wasn't talkin' to me - " I have to call your brother" - She's close to my brother but does she have to call him now? " Your brother would like to talk to you - he was on his way to go and find you" what ? huh? I'm right here !-
So the convo goes like this -
Me - "Hey bud
Bro- "Hey Dumb Ass- I was just on my way with Mike (best fiend ) to pull your dead carcass out of a hole in Sh-- Canyon"
Me-"I was just stuck in traffic - thanks for caring though -I appreciate it "
Bro-"Hey mike - rich says he was just stuck in traffic - and he appreciates us -- Listen to me Grizzly Adams, Everybody knows how you like to be one with the mountain and we also know how you fall down walking to the living room - PEOPLE WERE WORRIED!"
Me - "Sorry- I would have called but I left my phone "
Bro- "Mike - he's says he's sorry, he forgot his cell phone - We were going to turn around and go home but I think we'll keep going til we get to your house and come up and STAPLE YOUR CELL PHONE TO YOUR ASS!"
Me - I love you
Bro - yeah - me too.

Some of the language was a bit harsh but please remember that it was real life, before getting offended . The conversation with my wife is not printable. Hence, the need for hunting mates.
Hunting season starts in less than two months. You will find a link for Hunters safety classes below. Even if you're not crazy about hunting you might want to come to pray with (or for) your priest. My wife thanks you.

http://www.scvqu.com/Online%20Hunter%20Education.htm