46 YEARS ON THE PLANET !

What a life God has given me. I will rejoice and be glad in it !

Thank you Jesus. Day by day I need you more and more.

Have mercy on me a sinner saved by your grace. And you do !

Good Grief

Grief. A period of sadness due to a loss (normally). Can that ever be good. YES! Very good. In 2Samuel 12 David grieves very differently than most of us. Many of us get stuck because we really refuse to accept the loss. David fasted and cried out to God while his ill child was still alive but once the child died he stopped and fully accepted the loss and went to comfort his wife.

By no means am I trying to say that David's grieving process should be the standard but I believe that we can learn something from his process.

I have been grieving loss in my life for 9 months. Just recently have I realized that I was stuck in the grief and hadn't accepted the loss. In my heart I was saying "this didn't happen-it shouldn't have happened- It's all my fault". This is no where close to being a healthy grief process. It did happen and I probably had a great deal to with it happening. When I think about these things I still get a bit sad but full acceptance of the loss has helped me move in to new parts of my life that the holy Spirit is leading me. Grief has finally become good to me.

For those of you who grieve today I pray that you never stop rejoicing in the Lord Jesus. That is what saved me from really going nuts in my grief.

Grieve well!

Gone Fishin'

Not really goin' fishin' today but I'm trying to harbor that frame of mind. Clergy types are probably the worst violators of keeping the sabbath. I have become very aware that I don't know how to rest. Even when I plan a restful event I tend to make it an arduous task. NO MORE SAYS I! For my spirituality, health and sanity I need to learn to rest. I see that in the gospels Jesus seemed to have the ability to rest when the storm as raging about him. I WANT THAT ! How could he rest in the midst of turmoil? Of course being divine helps but I believe gospels show Jesus emptied out and totally human with the ability and perhaps proclivity for anxiety yet he did not enter in. I on the other hand waltz straight through the gates of the anxiety theme park. I take a spin on the worry cups then board many of the drama roller coasters. Then to take a break I comfort myself with food and drink which only comforts me as long as it takes me to remember how bad this is for my health. Then I immediately board the Tilt-a-whirl fueled by anxiety. Sound familiar ? Most of us do this in way or another.

Well , I WANT TO BE DONE WITH THIS NONSENSE.

Cell phone is off today because I am off today.

Prayer is my thing today because I finally see it as a restful time with God rather then a duty.

I am gonna care for my wife actively today because it gives me joy to give her joy.

I'm gonna perform some magic tricks for absolute strangers in hopes of making someone smile.

I'm might even take a nap after a long walk by the lake.

TODAY IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT.

I tell ya how I did tomorrow.

Resting BIG - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Back to the blogspere after one years absence. And what a year it has been.

Got back from S.D.

Still spinning from personnel probs at church

Start work as hospital chaplain (They pay me in money - how peculiar)

Personnel probs apparently get better.

Extended Family in major crisis

Personal finances in the toilet

Church personnel abdication

Missing those who left nearly breaks me as I feel responsible (kinda get over it)

Almost lose daughter #2 because of surgical error (3 scary months and she's still not 100%)

I'm leaving 2 dozen cruddy things out of the list just because it's daunting.

During the last year I have learned a great deal about myself through God's chastening.

For a while I couldn't see much to like in myself but if Jesus was willing to die for me I gotta be worth something. Then came God's consolation- IT'S NOT ABOUT ME ! it's not about the things I suffer - It's about still being able to love God and others joyfully while going through a desolate period. I'M LEARNING !

Come with me on the journey - a simple life of loving and denying self - not so simple

GOING BIG