PA RUM PA PUM PUM

I've always felt that God has had a special ministry within my Ministry for me to preach about joy. Pretty much when the opportunity arises for me to preach joy I do. I have lots of pet verses that I go to all the time. At present were in the season of Advent which is a penitential season but still holds great joy.

As much as I beat the drum for a joyful life committed to Jesus Christ more than every once in a while I'm less than joyful and it bugs the Crud out of me. It makes me feel like a hypocrite and that I have no business preaching on Joy. Yesterday I celebrated the 30th anniversary of when I asked my wife JoAnn to be my girlfriend. I was 17 she was Almost 16. now, that should bring great joy right? and it did. But when we got home from an awesome day of enjoying each other's company there was a letter from the County saying there'd been a formal complaint against us regarding our dog barking excessively.

I really did my best not to allow that to steal the joy of the whole day. I feel badly when I disappoint people. I suppose it's about approval but I'd like to think it's about more than that. I want to treat everyone with respect, and I don't want my life to impinge on others and cause pain. It upsets me when I'm upset someone else. I do tend to obsess on things and allow things like that notice from the the county to invade too much of my life. So in an attempt to remain joyful I began to think about Christmas.

When I was with Joanne yesterday we did a little Christmas shopping and it was fun. I was reflecting on that time with Joanne and started really thinking about what I want to give to Jesus as a birthday present. all kinds of things went through my head - to be a better husband and father, To be a more dedicated priest and pastor, to really concentrate on practicing being in God's presence all the time even doing the most mundane of things like washing the dishes for cleaning a toilet. For some reason I was unsatisfied with all these things and became a little frustrated with myself. So I left those thoughts till morning. My wife JoAnn's shared with me a story about a man in orange County, Who paid off thousands of dollars in layaway debt at his local Walmart for total strangers. I thought to myself what a wonderful gift to absolute strangers and to Jesus. This guy gets it. Again I became frustrated with myself. What do I want to give Jesus for his birthday and for that matter what do I want to give them every day that I live and breath ,he deserves the very best and unfortunately I feel that I fall short.

For no reason at all, I started to think about the lyrics of that Christmas song, you know” Little drummer boy”. There is a line that says ” I played my best for him”. That's what I wanted to is play my best for him. Again I began to be frustrated because when I think I'm doing my best I'm getting letters in the mail telling me I can't control my dog or people are leaving the church or dozens of people who say that they are coming to church never come. what the kind of best is that?

In the midst of my frustration I had forgotten about the following line in the song “and he smiled at me”. The baby Jesus smiled at the Little drummer boy after the little drummer boy had played his best. Nowhere in the lyrics of the songs that say that the little drummer boy played well. Didn't say that he was the drummer for The Who or won Grammys or pleased everyone in the room. It simply says that that little drummer boy played his best at that moment that little baby who was the Savior and is the Savior of the world. the lyrics do not grade is playing. I've always assumed that the little drummer boy was the best drummer in the world but it doesn't say that.

I really want Jesus to smile and hope he does. Like so many people I get wrapped up in my failures but I have to believe that Jesus sees my heart. And my desire to do my best. My life hasn't been filled with a lot of apparent successes lately very few small victories that I can see. This is where I have to dig in and know that I serve a God who loves me despite my many failures and even sins.

if my story hits home for you allow me to encourage you. Psalm 16 says that the presence of God is the fullness of joy. You know intellectually that God is ever present–then so is joy, ever present that is. In studying joy in the Scriptures it seems that joy thrives and exists in the environment of contentment and not one of wanting. Joy exists when we know that everything we have is provided by God as well as everything we need and will needs.

Go and do your best in Jesus will smile upon it. I absolutely believe it

Going big making Jesus smile.

And by the way I didn't type this entry I dictated it into a Dragon thing–some kind of software for the typing impaired. So it's a little worried–forgive me.

46 YEARS ON THE PLANET !

What a life God has given me. I will rejoice and be glad in it !

Thank you Jesus. Day by day I need you more and more.

Have mercy on me a sinner saved by your grace. And you do !

Good Grief

Grief. A period of sadness due to a loss (normally). Can that ever be good. YES! Very good. In 2Samuel 12 David grieves very differently than most of us. Many of us get stuck because we really refuse to accept the loss. David fasted and cried out to God while his ill child was still alive but once the child died he stopped and fully accepted the loss and went to comfort his wife.

By no means am I trying to say that David's grieving process should be the standard but I believe that we can learn something from his process.

I have been grieving loss in my life for 9 months. Just recently have I realized that I was stuck in the grief and hadn't accepted the loss. In my heart I was saying "this didn't happen-it shouldn't have happened- It's all my fault". This is no where close to being a healthy grief process. It did happen and I probably had a great deal to with it happening. When I think about these things I still get a bit sad but full acceptance of the loss has helped me move in to new parts of my life that the holy Spirit is leading me. Grief has finally become good to me.

For those of you who grieve today I pray that you never stop rejoicing in the Lord Jesus. That is what saved me from really going nuts in my grief.

Grieve well!

Gone Fishin'

Not really goin' fishin' today but I'm trying to harbor that frame of mind. Clergy types are probably the worst violators of keeping the sabbath. I have become very aware that I don't know how to rest. Even when I plan a restful event I tend to make it an arduous task. NO MORE SAYS I! For my spirituality, health and sanity I need to learn to rest. I see that in the gospels Jesus seemed to have the ability to rest when the storm as raging about him. I WANT THAT ! How could he rest in the midst of turmoil? Of course being divine helps but I believe gospels show Jesus emptied out and totally human with the ability and perhaps proclivity for anxiety yet he did not enter in. I on the other hand waltz straight through the gates of the anxiety theme park. I take a spin on the worry cups then board many of the drama roller coasters. Then to take a break I comfort myself with food and drink which only comforts me as long as it takes me to remember how bad this is for my health. Then I immediately board the Tilt-a-whirl fueled by anxiety. Sound familiar ? Most of us do this in way or another.

Well , I WANT TO BE DONE WITH THIS NONSENSE.

Cell phone is off today because I am off today.

Prayer is my thing today because I finally see it as a restful time with God rather then a duty.

I am gonna care for my wife actively today because it gives me joy to give her joy.

I'm gonna perform some magic tricks for absolute strangers in hopes of making someone smile.

I'm might even take a nap after a long walk by the lake.

TODAY IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT.

I tell ya how I did tomorrow.

Resting BIG - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Back to the blogspere after one years absence. And what a year it has been.

Got back from S.D.

Still spinning from personnel probs at church

Start work as hospital chaplain (They pay me in money - how peculiar)

Personnel probs apparently get better.

Extended Family in major crisis

Personal finances in the toilet

Church personnel abdication

Missing those who left nearly breaks me as I feel responsible (kinda get over it)

Almost lose daughter #2 because of surgical error (3 scary months and she's still not 100%)

I'm leaving 2 dozen cruddy things out of the list just because it's daunting.

During the last year I have learned a great deal about myself through God's chastening.

For a while I couldn't see much to like in myself but if Jesus was willing to die for me I gotta be worth something. Then came God's consolation- IT'S NOT ABOUT ME ! it's not about the things I suffer - It's about still being able to love God and others joyfully while going through a desolate period. I'M LEARNING !

Come with me on the journey - a simple life of loving and denying self - not so simple

GOING BIG

To Dakota and Back with Dad #4

I started reading a book called "Sacred Romance". It talks about intimacy with God in very profound way in how we all have adulterous moments (some more than others) in our relationship with God. Intimacy is dangerous period as it requires being known which requires being transparent and vulnerable. ICK! I am finding that as I gain intimacy with it translating to more meaningful and intimate (not sexual) realation with others in the body of Christ. I see that especially in my realationship with Dad. I always felt that I had to create this person for my dad to be proud of as I find that God loves me with all my flaws I also find that so does Dad. As God becomes my everything and one might think that there would be room for earthly relationships I find my earthly deepening and becoming more numerous.
Here South Dakota the presence of God seems blaring. The pace and lack of distraction seems to help me listen Him better.
Going Big and going home wednesday

To Dakota and Back with Dad #3

Sorry for the delay in Blog entries. Just figured out how to get the internet here in Timber Lake S.D. (not really a lake and no timber- it's on the prairie). I see God in so many ways. I came here with Dad to help Aunt Emily (90 YEARS OLD - climbed up on the roof last fall to patch the roof).
My aunt has taught me what a life of faith and works looks life and how it blesses everyone around. My dad seems so vibrant here. He is being a good son to Aunt Emily. Yes son. Genetically just his aunt. They have awesome relationship. My dad has taught me that loving someone means more than just uttering words and bible verses (I'm good at that). It means being present and sometimes fixing a toilet.
Going soooo BIG-