Litany for the Advent Fast

The following is my answer to the TOP 10 LIST.
THE LITANY

The proper response is "Lord hear our prayer"

For the ability to be introspective without totally hating ourselves. Let us pray to the Lord.
R/
For the ability to be introspective and not think we're doing everything right. Let us pray to the Lord.
R/
For the ability to be introspective at all . Let us pray to the Lord.
R/
That we may endeavor to dedicate ourselves to spend as much time seeking our savior as we do looking for our keys.(OK that one is for me but you know what I mean). Let us pray to Lord.
R/
For the abundance of fruits and vegetables and the ability to desire to eat them when everyone else at the table is eating big chunks of wonderful cheese.Let us pray to the Lord.
R/
That we may pray when it's hard and we don't want to because "House MD" is on .Let us pray to the Lord
R/
For the grace to bear the Liturgical changes and not be bugged that one of the servers is wearing blue and white checkered vans behind the altar. (again mainly for me)Let us pray to the Lord.
R/
For the grace to receive forgiveness from a kind God when we know we don't deserve it . Let us pray to the Lord.
R/
For the ability to receive Jesus' words not to"WORRY AND BE ANXIOUS" this season. Let us pray to the Lord.
R/
For the grace to put ourselves last and the hostile stranger behind us in line at the mall first .Let us pray to the Lord.
R/

Now that's some RECKLESS ABANDON right there- I don't care who you are -
GO BIG!

Bicycle blues

Our church inhabits the same building as a bike shop. Rodger the owner has become a friend. Through the last 4 mos. or so I have learned a bit about bicycles and peddling. Bikes have come a long way since the yellow Schwinn Stingray I owned as a kid. I used to run but my body rebelled. Biking is low impact and good for the heart, lungs and body in general. I'd like to start biking but no bike. My goal was to have the money saved for a nice bike (Rodger and I worked a deal) by December. Oh well, life happens! My new goal is next December. I'll find a fun way to exercise until then. Walking isn't so bad . The anticipation is exciting. It'll happen.
There was a time when this bike thing would have bugged me . It's awesome how God matures us. Now I look forward to when it will happen. Years ago I would be sulking. Stuff doesn't mean much any more. AND THAT'S A GOOD THING !
Go Big !

Blogging Or Long Sermons ?

I think that there may be a correlation between my absence from blogging and the length of my sermons. For those of you who survived the"Rip Van Winkle" sermon yesterday, you know what I mean. I think that I have too many words backed up in in that theological footlocker that I humbly call my brain . I will blog daily as to balance the amount of words that I use in my sermon. Actually I just happened to have lots to say. Some of it even relevant. Stay tuned. I have some fun topics coming. Plus I have found the answer to my loathing of top 10 list.
gbgh

So About the Eye Patch Thing

In a recent blog entry I mentioned an I eye patch phobia that I have had in the past. I think I should explain it so you will know how to pray for me. Not that any of the 3 people who look at this thing might think me nuts or anything.
Okay. It started in a barber shop around 1970. After the haircut Gil (barber/bookie) would give me a piece Bazooka bubblegum. Gil was my favorite person for a long time. I wasn't his favorite though. I wiggled a lot and drove him crazy. He would always take a pill as soon as I would walk in the the shop. Anyway, I loved the gum but one day my dad saw that I had been throwing the wrapper and told me that I was throwing away the comic strip. I had seen it but never unfolded because I saw that there were words on it and anything with words was not welcome to my eyesight at age six (couldn't really read til much later). So I opened the comic and there was Bazooka Joe. HE HAD A PATCH ON HIS EYE! He was a little boy like me WITH A PATCH ON HIS EYE. Where were this kids parents that such thing could happen ! I hated that my father showed me the comic strip. He sealed my fate. I was convinced that I would lose an eye. And I would have to wear a patch because my parents were never going to spring for a cool glass eye. They wouldn't even buy me super elastic bubble plastic and one of those eyes had to cost more than that. So I figured that I should start working on the replacement eye thing while I still had both of them in my head. So I stared a small collection of things that could work as a spare eye in pinch. Super balls were a logical choice (just about the perfect size) but color and pattern were a problem. A swirly pattern super ball would not be appropriate for church. I could never find a steel ball bearing the right size. That would be the ultimate fake eyeball. Highly polished and very intimidating. I made some out of clay and playdough too. Playdough was not acceptable cuz it dried funky .I actually thought about a snow globe type eyeball before it was mentioned in "the world according to Garp". As you can tell i SPENT ALOT A TIME on this. I couldn't stand the fact the I was going to have to wear a patch the rest of my life. But I'm better now -REALLY! Just don't ask me where the collection is now.

Righteous Monkey

In my sermon yesterday I told of an African saying. "On the day a monkey dies a every vine in the jungle is slippery. That's really about an unrighteous monkey. At the day of judgment it will be too late for those with no faith in Christ and there is no escaping it. Kinda sounds mean huh but really it's not. Would you wanna hang out for eternity with someone that you gave your life for but they never recognized your grace and generosity.
But as for the "Righteous Monkies "they get to hang out with Jesus for forever. They don't deserve it to any more the the other monkies but they recognize and have faith in their Savior. No slippery vines for the "Righteous Monkies". So all you righteous monkies Swing Big or Slip.
Do you think there will be bananas is heaven?
More on this later.

Destitute Liver

There was a time in the English language when "liver" was used to describe the temper and integrity of a person . Most of us have heard the saying "lilly livered" which basically means cowardly. Back in the day , say six or so centuries ago people thought that the force of ones liver fortified them with a degree of boldness and integrity. I've have been looking for a way to describe some people who frustrate me. And thanks to Carsten's blog challenge I think that I've found it. "Destitute Livered Skallywags" is my new term. I really don't know what the heck a skallywag is but I like sounding like a pirate. But I would never wear the eye patch (this is another phobia of mine and I'm sure Mrs. Priest will blogging about it in the near future). Anyway, the definition of Destitute Livered Skallywag is - a person lacking integrity and honesty. Destitute means lacking or impoverished so I think it works .
top 9 list of people who I believe to be Destitute Livered Skallywags
9. Most lawyers
8. People who get Handicapped parking permits and don't really need them.
7. Cheaters
6. Poachers
5. People who eat grapes and cherries in the grocery store and never buy them.
4. Teachers who give kids bad grades because because they don't like them (I didn't to believe that it's true but it is).
3. Men who get married while on death row (for some reason this drives me nuts)
2. The Masked Magician.
1. Warren Beatty